Text Curse
It starts the minute she opens her eyes and she immediately looks at her cell phone to see if the good morning text has arrived; it will be a fine day if it is there already, and if it is not, then the waiting begins before she is even out of the bed and she will try not to take the phone with her into the bathroom while she uses the toilet, showers, and brushes her teeth.
She will fail, and there she will stand with the phone in the bathroom, since she will be able to at least check to see if any message comes in, even though she cannot text back and attend to her basic needs at the same time – although she has tried before. It was clumsy and awkward, and the thought of him finding out what kinds of tasks she might be performing while communicating with him will make her nervous, even though she knows he would have no way of finding out.
Then, wondering why she keeps doing this day after day, she will stare into the mirror, and will think she does it because the good morning message has not come in yet, and she does not want to miss it. This is an answer to the smaller question of why she is doing this at this particular moment, but it does not address the larger question of why she is doing it over and over every day, and why she can’t just text him if she wants to, or dial the phone and speak to him, and hear his radio voice. This larger question echoes against the bathroom tiles and she will ignore it the same way every morning with lessening success.
She will glance frequently at the little screen while she brushes her teeth and pats herself dry and hates herself and questions how she became so woven into this thing that keeps her spun into a strange and tenderly angry fabric. In her worst nightmare it might all be a bluff at love. Then again, maybe it is love and she is just making it crazy with her thoughts, because maybe she does not even know how to recognize love, perhaps - but surely not; he says she is perfect for him.
She will fail, and there she will stand with the phone in the bathroom, since she will be able to at least check to see if any message comes in, even though she cannot text back and attend to her basic needs at the same time – although she has tried before. It was clumsy and awkward, and the thought of him finding out what kinds of tasks she might be performing while communicating with him will make her nervous, even though she knows he would have no way of finding out.
Then, wondering why she keeps doing this day after day, she will stare into the mirror, and will think she does it because the good morning message has not come in yet, and she does not want to miss it. This is an answer to the smaller question of why she is doing this at this particular moment, but it does not address the larger question of why she is doing it over and over every day, and why she can’t just text him if she wants to, or dial the phone and speak to him, and hear his radio voice. This larger question echoes against the bathroom tiles and she will ignore it the same way every morning with lessening success.
She will glance frequently at the little screen while she brushes her teeth and pats herself dry and hates herself and questions how she became so woven into this thing that keeps her spun into a strange and tenderly angry fabric. In her worst nightmare it might all be a bluff at love. Then again, maybe it is love and she is just making it crazy with her thoughts, because maybe she does not even know how to recognize love, perhaps - but surely not; he says she is perfect for him.
© Angela 2011
Angela lives an outwardly quiet life in a small town that appreciates that kind of behavior. Inwardly, well, things are different.
Crazy love or obsessive compulsive behavior -or both- we've all been there. "spun into a strange and tenderly angry fabric" says it all-
ReplyDeleteknow a million girls that could identify with this! love your take on texting and taking it to the toilet! - bc
ReplyDeleteLoved the way you closed it Grey, the closing line was rather fitting. The things people do for love, and the lies they tell themselves. You did truly an amazing job of it, getting inside her head as well you did. Two thumbs up!
ReplyDeleteAm back after a year of hibernation and becom
ing a fan of your writing all over again. :)